 At approximately 21:07 last night, a certain sysadmin, who shall remain unnamed, decided that the news was no longer news. No longer will the Gongumenn be informed about Osama bin Laden's demise, or Denmark's spacefaring capabilities.
There was a huge uproar among the loyal patrons, an uproar that was perhaps best embodied by one patron who exclaimed "Boo". Other patrons voiced approval. The vast majority, however, brandished a mixture of ambivalence and disinterest.
What is to be of the News section to which we have become so accustomed? Will there come a time when lack of news and activity will leave a gaping void on the front page as a solemn reminder of our apathy and indifference? Will we lie dying in our beds many years from now, willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our news, but they'll never take our freedom!!
Only time will tell.
The identity of the sysadmin is known to the editor, but is withheld for his or her safety. | 
