CJ: Let me explain something to you. This is sort of my field. The people on these sites? They're the cast of 'One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest.' The muu-muu-wearing Parliament smoker? That's Nurse Ratched. When Nurse Ratched is unhappy, the patients are unhappy. You? You're McMurphy. You swoop in with your card games and fishing trips.
Josh: I didn't swoop in, I came in the exact same way everyone else did.
CJ: Well now I'm telling you to open the wardroom window and climb on out before they give you a free frontal lobotomy and I have to smother you with a pillow.
Josh: (pause) You're...?
CJ: (nodding) I'm Chief Bromden, yes, at this particular moment. I'm assigning an intern from the press office to that website. They're going to check it every night before they go home. If they discover you've been there I'm going to shove a motherboard so far up your ass... What?
Josh: Technically I outrank you...
CJ: So far up your ass!
Josh: Okay.
CJ: Okay.
JOSH
They don't seem to be taking my response in the spirit in which it was intended.
DONNA
Yeah.
JOSH
Seems to be a very unusual social structure. For instance, there is leader who seems
to pride herself on her organizational skills and a certain amount of discipline.
DONNA
Right. That's what's called a control freak.
JOSH
[getting visibly upset] Well, she does seems to do an awful lot of scolding. "You've
posted in the wrong place. Stay on topic people. Don't use capital letters. I don't have
time to tell you twice," when clearly, she does have time to tell us twice. But that's
not the problem.
DONNA
No.
Josh clears his throat then begins to read a post on the LemonLyman Board.
JOSH
"Someone need to deal with Josh's planet-sized ego, by teaching him government 101.
Who made him overlord of the Democratic party?" And someone else writes, "Is Josh
delusional, or is he actively trying to destroy the separation of powers?"
DONNA
Well, are you?
Josh
No.
DONNA
Then turn off the computer, shut these people up, and let's go back to work.
JOSH
I think I need to clarify my original post.
----------------------------------------------
JOSH
The Internet people have gone crazy.
DONNA
[sarcastically] You're kidding.
The two of them start to walk together.
JOSH
They're calling the GAO "General Josh's Standing Army", and saying I don't understand
it's mandate and purpose. They're saying if I could get a review of anything I want,
that I should start by reviewing the job of Deputy C.O.S. Then one guy compares me to
a poor man's Clark Clifford, and a page and a half of posts, debating whether or not
I was mocking Egyptians with the Sanskrit reference.
They come to a halt.
DONNA
[snappishly] I told you they were hysterical.
JOSH
I thought you meant they were funny.
DONNA
They're not.
They start walking again, voices rising.
JOSH
I know they're not! It's "Lord of the Flies" in there.
