| Grizlas | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General |  |
| | Group: Administrator,
Klikan,
Regulars,
Outsiders
| | Location: Denmark | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 01-07-2007 00:00 |
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Yeah, saw that one too 
Every day you have to hear those songs raped over and over again. Brilliant
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You want to tempt the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing? |
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| Yutani | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Regular |  |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Faroe Islands | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 06-07-2007 04:36 |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 09-07-2007 20:28 |
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls |
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| Grizlas | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Administrator,
Klikan,
Regulars,
Outsiders
| | Location: Denmark | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 23-07-2007 18:27 |
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You want to tempt the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing? |
Edited by Grizlas on 23-07-2007 18:27 |
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| Yutani | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Regular | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Faroe Islands | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 24-07-2007 18:19 |
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| Aliennizer | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Familiar | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 05.10.06 | | Posted on 30-07-2007 12:28 |
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I thought this might be fun, surrendermonkeys.
The BRITISH are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, however, security levels may have to be raised again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have also been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of London in 1666.
The FRENCH government also announced yesterday that it had raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". This latest rise was precipitated by a fire that destroyed France 's White Flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
In addition to the British and the French, ITALY has increased its alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain, "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
BELGIANS on the other hand are all on holiday and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
Finally the SPANISH are very excited as their new submarines are ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so that the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
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- Not all those who wander are lost -- J.R.R. Tolkien |
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| Norlander | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Field Marshal | |
| | Group: Administrator,
Klikan,
Regulars,
Outsiders
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 09.06.06 | | Posted on 13-08-2007 21:12 |
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Problems with the theory of Arabs being behind 9/11:
1. 8:45am is too early for them to be up
2. They are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights.
3. Pretty people on the plane distract them.
4. They would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
5. With food and drinks on the plane, they would forget why they're there.
6. They talk with their hands, therefore they would have to put their weapons down.
7. They would ALL want to fly the plane.
8. They would argue and start a fight in the plane.
9. They can't keep a secret, they would have told everyone a week before doing it.
10. They would have put their country's flag on the windshield
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The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
- John Kenneth Galbraith |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 14-08-2007 17:38 |
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls |
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| Torellion | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Group: Klikan
| | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 15-08-2007 11:09 | |
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666 = number of the Beast
665 = older brother of the Beast
660 = approximate number of the Beast
66600 = zip code of the Beast
$665.95 = retail price of the Beast
DCLXVI = Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000 = Number of the High-Precision Beast
0.666 = Number of the Millibeast
/666 = Beast Common Denominator
-666½ = Imaginary number of the Beast
6.66e3 = Floating point Beast
1010011010 = Binary number of the Beast
6, uh . . . what was that number again? = Number of the Blonde Beast
1-666 = Area code of the Beast
666 mph = Speed limit of the Beast
$699.30 = Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95 = Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 = Walmart price of the Beast
$646.66 = Next week's Walmart price of the Beast
Phillips 666 = Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666 = Way of the Beast
666 F = Oven temperature for roast Beast
352 – Oven temperature for roast Beast in Europe
666(k) = Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg = Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66% = 5-yr CD interest rate at 1st Beast of Hell Nat. Bank, $666 min. deposit
$666/hr = Beast's lawyer's billing rate
Lotus 6-6-6 = Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66 = Word Processor of the Beast
i66686 = CPU of the Beast
665.9997856 = Number of the Beast on a Pentium
666i = BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 (revised) = Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
1232 Octal, Apt. 29A = Beast's hexed address
668 = Next-door neighbor of the Beast
333 = The semi-Christ
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 25-08-2007 10:15 |
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Skelti á løgdeildini í Tinganesi:
"Um ein lógartekstur er skiljandi er hann ikki endaliga gjøgnumarbeiddur!"
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Norlander | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Field Marshal | |
| | Group: Administrator,
Klikan,
Regulars,
Outsiders
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 09.06.06 | | Posted on 12-09-2007 13:21 |
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Jokes That'll Offend Everyone
-What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
-Juan on Juan
-What is a Yankee?
-The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
-What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
-The position of the dirt bag
-Why is divorce so expensive?
-Because it's worth it.
-What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
-Doughnuts
-Why is air a lot like sex?
-Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
-What do attorneys use for birth control?
-Their personalities.
-What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
-10 years and 45 lbs
-What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
-45 minutes
-What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
-Through his chest with a sharp knife.
-Why do men want to marry virgins?
-They can't stand criticism.
-Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
-Because those men already have boyfriends.
-What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
-After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
-Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
-The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
-Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
-Because they have cotton balls.
-What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
-A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
-What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
-"Are you sure it's mine?"
-Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
-Mace will do that to you.
-Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
-Everyone has the same DNA.
-Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
-Breasts don't have eyes.
-Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
-Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
-Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
-A different bar.
-Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
-They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
-What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
-A speech impediment
-What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
-A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
-How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
-Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
-What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
-A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....
-Why is there no Disneyland in Japan ?
-No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
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The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
- John Kenneth Galbraith |
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| OKJones | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Commander | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Argir | | Joined: 12.06.06 | | Posted on 12-09-2007 13:57 |
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Position of the dirt bag LMAO
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Why would I want to end every post the same way? |
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| Norlander | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Field Marshal | |
| | Group: Administrator,
Klikan,
Regulars,
Outsiders
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 09.06.06 | | Posted on 16-09-2007 13:39 |
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Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy Behind the counter says, "Male or female?"
Customer says, "Female."
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?
Customer says, "White."
Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim Extremist?"
Customer says, "What does religion have to do with it?"
Counter guy says, "The Muslim Extremist one blows itself up."
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The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
- John Kenneth Galbraith |
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| Aliennizer | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Familiar | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 05.10.06 | | Posted on 30-10-2007 14:42 |
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Looks like the new member of the familiy doesnt give a shit.
http://view.break.com/388970
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- Not all those who wander are lost -- J.R.R. Tolkien |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 16-11-2007 12:39 |
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A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer..
The bartender hands him the beer and says "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?" The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream. So I picked up the frog and it said "Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes." So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, "You now have 3 wishes." I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What will be your second wish?" I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. "We then made love for hours!" Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 05-12-2007 22:43 |
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5 minute management course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
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The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel. "
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After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"
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Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 06-12-2007 22:21 |
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5 minute management course
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 09-12-2007 14:06 |
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5 minute management course
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish.."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas
, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
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"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
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"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 09-12-2007 14:07 |
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5 minute management course 4
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and
do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
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Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 10-12-2007 21:11 |
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5 minute management course
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
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"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree.
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He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
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Moral of the story:
Bull **** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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