| Roffen | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran |  |
| | Group: Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 12.11.06 | | Posted on 30-09-2009 23:57 |
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haha, yes, those are really POPULAR stories now!  
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General |  |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 01-10-2009 21:53 |
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I can't embed it, but this is hilarious!
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 02-10-2009 12:28 |
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This is old, so you might have seen it before, but it someone sent it to me today, and it's still really good.
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls |
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| Roffen | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran | |
| | Group: Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 12.11.06 | | Posted on 11-10-2009 20:00 |
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A comment from a person on the action that NASA will bomb the moon to see if there is water there:
"The moon is a huge water balloon. If they pop it with a bomb it'll burst, the water will fall into Earth's atmosphere, heat up on entry and turn to steam, which will cook us all. Please stop NASA."
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| Aliennizer | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Familiar | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 05.10.06 | | Posted on 22-10-2009 09:21 |
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Great story, the best I have read for a while.
http://www.highaltitudeimports.com/off-topic/73068-roping-deer.html
Have a laugh and enjoy the rest of your day.
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- Not all those who wander are lost -- J.R.R. Tolkien |
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| Boddin | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Regular | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 19.06.06 | | Posted on 22-10-2009 13:35 |
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Great read
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| Roffen | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran | |
| | Group: Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 12.11.06 | | Posted on 25-10-2009 21:25 |
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haha.. I thoroughly enjoyed that read, thanks Aliennizer
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 01-11-2009 19:03 |
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I thought this was kinda funny.
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 02-11-2009 09:13 |
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FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY
BECOME DISORIENTED?
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Toxied | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Group: Regulars
| | Location: Tórshavn | | Joined: 09.10.09 | | Posted on 02-11-2009 13:55 |
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Russian Undercover Hacker
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Edited by Toxied on 02-11-2009 13:56 |
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| Toxied | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Recruit | |
| | Group: Regulars
| | Location: Tórshavn | | Joined: 09.10.09 | | Posted on 04-11-2009 09:09 |
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Russian Undercover Hacker
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 07-11-2009 22:49 |
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After getting all of Pope Benedicts luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesnt travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
Excuse me, Your Holiness, says the driver, Would you please take your seat so we can leave?
Well, to tell you the truth, says the Pope, they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.
Im sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen? protests the driver, wishing hed never gone to work that morning..
Who's going to tell? says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)
Please slow down, Your Holiness! pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
Oh, dear God, Im going to lose my license -- and my job! moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
I need to talk to the Chief, he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that hes stopped a limo going 205 kph.
So bust him, says the Chief.
I don't think we want to do that, he's really important, said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, All the more reason!
No, I mean really important, said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, Who do you have there, the mayor?
Cop: Bigger.
Chief: A senator?
Cop: Bigger.
Chief: The Prime Minister?
Cop: Bigger.
Well, said the Chief, who is it?
Cop: I think its God!
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, What makes you think its God?
Cop: His chauffeur is the Pope!
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 07-11-2009 22:51 |
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A Drunk man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol whereupon he asks the drunk
'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
The drunk shouts 'Yes I am!'
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk
'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies 'No I haven't found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer dunks him into the water again for a little longer.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks again 'Have you found Jesus my brother?'
The drunk again answers 'No I haven't found Jesus!'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'
(Are you ready for this????)
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher 'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 07-11-2009 23:19 |
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet or purse were ever in a stripper's butt crack?
If not, you're wondering now. Have a nice day...
So folks, always remember to wash your hands.
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 07-12-2009 21:50 |
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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road ?
PLATO: For the greater good.
DOUGLAS ADAMS: Forty-two.
J.R.R. TOLKIEN: First, the Chicken, Sunlight coruscating off its vibrant, silken coat of feathers, approached the silently ominous road and scrutinized it intently with the obsidian-black eyes.
Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough, granulated texture of the surface, over which countless balding tyres had worked relentless thread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of the stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, and the dull black asphalt itself, pitted with crevices; and then it crossed.
DARWIN: It was the next logical step after it came down from the trees.
MARK TWAIN: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
BASIL FAWLTY: OH, Dont mind the chicken. Its from Barcelona.
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 11-12-2009 22:11 |
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The following were purportedly taken off of actual police car videos around the USA...
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I AM the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in goat poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. ....Sign here."
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 13-12-2009 01:12 |
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A rich tourist walks into a hotel and lays a 100 dollar bill on the counter and asks for a room.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the hog farmer.
The hog farmer takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.
The prostitute runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 dollar bill to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollar bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 dollar bill, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States government is doing business today. 
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
Edited by Jogvanth on 13-12-2009 14:30 |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 14-12-2009 13:41 |
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If you think about it, there's really nothing wrong with that. They were each both debtors and creditors and the amount of debt and credit was the same.
They actually didn't need the cash infusion; had they known the credit/debt relationships between them, they could all agree to just forfeit any debt.
So the little story is only funny if you don't understand it...
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls |
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| Lazarus | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Initiate | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 14-12-2009 14:59 | |
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And so the shit thrower contest continues, don't change the channel or you might miss the next episode!
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Life ain't always what it seems
So grab it by the balls, and do your best before it leaves
Volbeat: Find that soul |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 14-12-2009 16:00 |
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You finally made it out of the closet. Gratz!
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls |
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