| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral |  |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 19-05-2009 08:44 |
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls
Vuzman attached the following image:
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 07-06-2009 17:09 |
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing'
Jogvanth attached the following image:
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Edited by Jogvanth on 07-06-2009 17:09 |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 16-06-2009 18:18 |
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Ahh!. The good old times 
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing'
Jogvanth attached the following image:
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Edited by Jogvanth on 16-06-2009 18:18 |
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| Grizlas | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Administrator,
Klikan,
Regulars,
Outsiders
| | Location: Denmark | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 27-07-2009 08:47 |
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1. Butterflies taste with their feet.
2. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
3. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
4. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
5. On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
6. Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
7. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
8. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
9. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
10. It's possible to lead a cow upstairs.. but not downstairs.
11. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
12. It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
13. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
14. A snail can sleep for three years.
15. No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."
16. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
17. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. - SCARY!!!
18. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
19. All polar bears are left handed.
20. In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
21. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
22. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
23. "Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
24. If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
25. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
26. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
27. Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
28. Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick their elbow.
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You want to tempt the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing? |
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| OKJones | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Commander | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Argir | | Joined: 12.06.06 | | Posted on 27-07-2009 16:48 |
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@ 15: How about "CUNT"
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Why would I want to end every post the same way? |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 27-07-2009 21:13 |
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or better; millionth...
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 29-07-2009 08:00 |
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DISCLAIMER: These are not autobiographical. If any of these offend you, you should turn off your internet connection immediately.
Q: What’s the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
A: I don’t ejaculate on an apple before I eat it.
Q: What’s the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A: Pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.
Q: A girl came home from a date. Her mother had waited up for her, and when the girl walked in the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair. “Sally,” she said, “you didn’t tell me you were going to a wedding.” “I didn’t mom,” Sally replied.
A: “I was giving a blowjob to a Chinese guy and he threw up on me.”
A man walks into the bar and sees a sign:
Handjob: $5
Cheese sandwich: $2
He walks over to the bartender, a big boobied blonde, and asks,
“Are you the one giving out handjobs?”
“Why yes I am!”, she replied, smiling and sticking out her chest.
“Okay,” he said.
“Now wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich!”
Q: What is the best part about having sex with a 5 year old?
A: Their hand makes your d–k look bigger!
Q: What is the worst part about having sex with a 5 year old?
A: Getting the blood off of your clown suit.
Q: Do you know how to kill a hundred flies at once?
A: Smash an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne?
A: Acne doesn’t come on a boys face until after he’s thirteen.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, the beer should be open when SHE brings it!
Q: My last girlfriend called me a pedophile.
A: Pretty big word for a 12-year-old.
Q: What's pink and bubbly and scratches at the glass?
A: Baby in a microwave.
Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby in a clown suit.
Q: How do you stop a dead baby going 30 miles per hour?
A: Turn off the blender
Q: Why do you never put a baby in a blender head first?
A: Because the look on their face is priceless!
Q: How do you make a little girl cry even more?
A: You wipe your bloody dick off on her teddy bear.
Q: What’s better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded.
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls |
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| Roffen | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran |  |
| | Group: Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 12.11.06 | | Posted on 29-07-2009 13:11 |
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you are one sick person...
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| Luzuz | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Group: N/A
| | Location: Faroe Island | | Joined: 28.07.09 | | Posted on 29-07-2009 23:51 |
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LooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooL
One sick person ? i think the person who made these jokes is the sick one he just posted em' xD!
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| Norlander | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Field Marshal | |
| | Group: Administrator,
Klikan,
Regulars,
Outsiders
| | Location: Copenhagen | | Joined: 09.06.06 | | Posted on 23-08-2009 14:08 |
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No you're not playing football you're playing handegg!
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The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
Norlander attached the following image:
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Edited by Norlander on 23-08-2009 14:08 |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 25-08-2009 10:13 |
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Marcus Brigstocke - "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"
I love this one!
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing' |
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| Vuzman | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Admiral | |
| | Group: Klikan,
Outsiders,
Administrator,
Regulars
| | Location: Copenhagen, DK | | Joined: 10.06.06 | | Posted on 26-08-2009 21:16 |
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Can't remember if this has been posted before, but it's still funny 
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When I kill her, I'll have her
Die white girls, die white girls
Vuzman attached the following image:
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 01-09-2009 14:04 |
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Good one
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing'
Jogvanth attached the following image:
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Edited by Jogvanth on 01-09-2009 14:05 |
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| Jogvanth | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Hoyvík | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 12-09-2009 10:06 |
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Hint, hint
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No decision is so fine as to not bind us to its consequences.
No consequence is so unexpected as to absolve us of our decisions.
Not even death.
-R. Scott Bakker. 'The Prince of Nothing'
Jogvanth attached the following image:
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Edited by Jogvanth on 12-09-2009 10:07 |
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| Laluu | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Tórshavn | | Joined: 19.04.07 | | Posted on 16-09-2009 11:10 |
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Now how did this guy get his ban overturned?
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"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."
- H.P. Lovecraft
Laluu attached the following image:
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Edited by Laluu on 16-09-2009 11:12 |
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| OKJones | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Commander | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Argir | | Joined: 12.06.06 | | Posted on 16-09-2009 14:59 |
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It's quite clear that it wasn't a dive, he fell over his fins
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Why would I want to end every post the same way? |
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| Grizlas | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Administrator,
Klikan,
Regulars,
Outsiders
| | Location: Denmark | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 17-09-2009 07:08 |
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Yeah, I'd have to agree with OKJones. There is absolutely nothing that suggests this was a dive of any kind. Clearly, the referee had it in for him.
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You want to tempt the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing? |
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| Grizlas | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | General | |
| | Group: Administrator,
Klikan,
Regulars,
Outsiders
| | Location: Denmark | | Joined: 08.06.06 | | Posted on 17-09-2009 17:50 |
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I recieved this letter today:
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My Dearest,
I am privileged to contact you of an interest to invest a huge fund in your country.
Any Knowledge of business interest in the following sectors:
Banking, Real Estate, Stock Speculation, Film Industries, Mining, Transportation and Tobacco.
If you think you have a solid background and idea of making good profit in any of the mentioned business sectors in your country, please write me for possible business co-operation.
Respectfully,
henry Sosalla
TOP BUSINESS REQUEST
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Quite an exciting proposition don't you think?
I would like to point out that I received this offer first and so it would be nice of you to allow me first dibs on this great opportunity.
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You want to tempt the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing? |
Edited by Grizlas on 17-09-2009 17:58 |
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| Laluu | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Tórshavn | | Joined: 19.04.07 | | Posted on 28-09-2009 10:48 |
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Got these in an email today. Some of them are pretty good. I particularily like "sarchasm" and "lymph"
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
17. Tripartisan, n. a unique style of hair cutting.
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"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."
- H.P. Lovecraft |
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| Laluu | RE: Funny stuff |
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| | Veteran | |
| | Group: Klikan
| | Location: Tórshavn | | Joined: 19.04.07 | | Posted on 30-09-2009 10:23 |
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This is kind of related to the "take the plunge" link that someone posted in the linkbox.
Sometimes randomness can make things seem really inappropriate.
Check out the top 2 news links that I copied from the bbc news website today.
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"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."
- H.P. Lovecraft
Laluu attached the following image:
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Edited by Laluu on 30-09-2009 10:26 |
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